I feel like I can never open up to someone fully and show who I really am or what I think. I figured out today that people don't like to deal with others who feel angry. I had a rough day at school today and kinda threw my feelings on some people I talked to (I didn't mean it.) and they kinda drew away from me by ending the conversation like that. Don't get me wrong but some days, I feel everything all at once, other days I feel nothing at all. And today is those days when I feel everything at once. I feel really bad for the people who I threw my feelings to because they probably don't like it one bit... Which leads me to a conclusion that everyone's life would be so much easier if I don't ever ever show any kind of emotion towards anything or anyone; because it seemed like it was easier when I did that last year. In the other hand I always wonder if anyone actually had feelings for me, like actually got upset or mad over little things I did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. I feel like I’m the only person that ever really cares about anyone and that nobody’s ever felt that way for me, because I'm nothing.
Sometimes I see friendships like a 'job', not in a bad negative way but when I know someone who is feeling down and depressed most of the time, I would go and make friends with them. I'll try my best to make them feel better by being there for them everyday and anytime. I get to know them and it's really fun to know new people. And when their life starts to seem better than last time either their problems are solved, they feel alive and happy, or got more friends who can always be around them; I slowly crawl out of their lives from the back door and see the big picture. All of them have these big smiles on their faces and they just look so alive, it kinda makes me happy in a way because I helped them; but they never really realized that I walked away because I feel like they don't need me anymore since they've got other people now, which is somewhat sucky because I'm that friend who will stick with you until you find someone else better...
Listening to: I'm Yours - The Script